I recall one morning meditating on how grateful I am to be where I am today. It started as any normal morning meditation.
But that morning, it was so much more. I was filled with absolute gratitude and thankfulness.
I felt thankful to be blessed with friends who check up on me. Because there was a time I felt like I didn’t have a friend in the world.
Even though that was not the case, I felt as though everyone had abandoned me.
I recall sitting on the rug in the middle of the night. In the living room of a five-bedroom house. Anxious about how I was going to pay the rent. Worrying about how I was going to get the car engine fixed. And wondering why nobody had come by to ask if I needed help or even to say hello.
I cried and cried on that rug. Jagged tears ran down my face.
My oldest daughter came out. Then my youngest. They didn’t know what was wrong. But they came and held me. They cried with me.
Their only desire was to help mommy feel better.
Realizing that made me cry harder.
I questioned who I was. I questioned why I was in this situation.
Was it their job to hold me up? I thought I was supposed to be the parent. I was supposed to be the one to be there for them.
Had I failed as a wife? As a mother? As a business manager? As a provider?
How was I going to make sure they had what they needed? How would we secure shelter or food? How would we get between points A and B?
Then my oldest found the courage to say, “Mom, you’re more important than all these things.”
I’m not sure if she understood the significance of that statement. But the crying turned into laughter after she said it.
I often reminisce on that moment. Especially when I need to find joy and inner strength to get through a rough situation.
There is no joy in all the worry and anxiety.
But I feel joy knowing that in the trial and error of educating my children, they choose to put a value on a person’s worth over material things. Somehow, they had learned a valuable character lesson.
That’s when I knew we were going to be OK.
Even today, when situations arise trying to shake our faith in man’s ability to be kind, resilient and forgiving…
When things happen that make us think the world is on the verge of self-destruction…
I think about the time the three of us were huddled on that rug. Not knowing what our next steps were going to be. But having the faith that we were going to make it through together.
Remembering it gives me strength. And lets me know that nurturing and educating our children to be of service, to love others unconditionally, and to value mankind over material gain will always elevate us to a better place.
Character lessons. A good start in home education.
Keep looking up.